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And then there were 3..

Its that time again. Immunity number 4.

Entry #1:
Just as Victor was getting off the island, another plane flew over.
Lemurgirl raced to the flaregun which had another flare in it. She fired
the flare and the flare hit the plane!

The plane then started having difficulties and made a crash landing on
the beach. The side of the plane said "Aussie Penal Colony".

Lemurgirl looked round sheepishly at the others.
"Oops, my bad. I never was a very good shot with these things" She gave
off a little nervous giggle and backed away from the other two who were
now glaring at her.

Jimmie sighed and picked up the now empty flare gun. Victor leaving had
left him with 2 gorgeous ladies, he had no doubt about that. But he felt
that somehow his role of male wasn't really all it was cracked up to be.
Lemurgirl and Lynn looked like the sort of girls who could take care of
themselves, well, except for Lemurgirl's inability to aim.

Lynn looked from Jimmie to Lemurgirl, to the plane and then back at the
others. The more she looked the more she wished she'd been left tied to
that tree. It was quite comfy in it's own way. She'd sort've developed
her own space in the bark and despite not being able to move very far at
least she could see what was going on. She was just debating wheter or
not to ask Lemurgirl to tie her up again (she decided Jimmie might take
it the wrong way) when the door of the plane flew open. The three
survivors shuffled backwards nervously and watched as a figure appeared
in the entrance.

Framed in the doorway was one of the biggest guys they had ever seen. He
made the plane look like it was too small for him, which it probably
was. Jimmie was the first to react. As he looked up at this giant he
promptly keeled over in a dead faint. So much for being the big strong
man. Lynn and Lemurgirl found it hard to surpress a giggle at the sight
of him prone on the sand. He had managed to land on one of Miguel's
patties. He was not going to be happy when he came to.

Lynn turned her attention back to the plane and her natural instincts
took over. She works in a prison and it all came flooding back. It
didn't matter that she was stranded on a desert island with two other
people and a bull. All that mattered now was to get those prisoners
under control. She pulled the whistle that she always carries from round
her neck and blew on it hard. The prisoner in the doorway snapped to
attention, and banged his head on the doorway as he did. This sent
Lemurgirl into another fit of the giggles and Lynn glared at her to shut
the hell up.

The prisoners filed one by one from the plane and looked around them in
bemused wonder. The last thing they were expecting to see was Lynn in a
bikini with a whistle and a stern look, Jimmie prone on the sand lying
in a cow pat and Lemurgirl in a bikini trying to stifle a giggle fit.
Under Lynn's instruction the lined up on the beach and were ready for
inspection. Lemurgirl managed to get control of her laughter and joined
Lynn for the appraisal of the new arrivals.

Having walked up and down the line a couple of times, looking them up
and down, Lynn pulled Lemurgirl to one side.
"I think we should make them work. There's no point sending them off to
sea, they'll only get lost."
"Fair point," Lemurgirl replied. "With Jimmie the way he is right now we
could do with some help to rebuld the shelters. They haven't been right
since that storm we had. PLus they'll be useful at catching fish and
other such creatures." She looked again at the line of men standing to
one side of them. "And even though they're criminals... that one's kinda
cute" She waved a one guy in particular and Lynn glared at her again.
"Behave yourself, they've only just got here! We don't want to scare
them off just yet!"
Feeling chastised Lemurgirl put her head down.
"Sorry Lynn."
The two women walked back to the line of men who were now looking
decidedly uncomfortable.
"Right you lot. You have arrived on Blogtiki. There is no escape and
nobody else here but us 3, her bull, and a lot of wildlife. If you are
to stay you've got to work for it. We will look after you, we won't hurt
you but woe betide you if you step out of line. Do i make myself clear?!"
There was a unified muttering as they told Lynn that they did indeed
understand and yet more shuffling of feet. Lynn changed her tone.
"first things first, you'll need to get out of those clothes. It's far
too hot to be wearing jumsuits! Down to your boxers lads!"
As they started to strip off Lemurgirl felt another rush of giggles hit
her and the color rushed into her cheeks. As Lynn issued further
instruction she turned to see Jimmie stiring from where he had fainted.
As he looked at what was going on a look of horror crossed his face and
he passed out again.

Leaving Lynn in control of the new arrivals, Lemurgirl walked back off
up the beach. Stepping over the prone body of Jimmie she looked back to
see them all swimming in the sea. Even if they were criminals, they
could prove to be very useful. She and Lynn could live the life of
luxury whilst they did all the hard labour. Smiling to herself she
decided that perhaps her aim hadn't been that bad after all.

Entry #2:
Just as Victor was getting off the island, another plane flew over.
Lemurgirl raced to the flaregun which had another flare in it. She fired
the flare and the flare hit the plane!

The plane then started having difficulties and made a crash landing on
the beach. The side of the plane said "Aussie Penal Colony".

"Oh great", Lynn said. "Porn actors".

Jimmie shook his head ruefully. "No, Lynn. That's "penal" like in
"prison", not like in "porn mov..." He stopped as he saw the people
getting out of the plane wearing tight leather pants, feathered boas,
and tube tops. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

A short man wearing little half-glasses and a black beret approached the
three Islanders at full mince. "Right", he chirped. "This is a right ace
location, even though it's back of the beyond. I"ve never filmed on an
island, but what the hell. Let's give it a Burl and see what we get.
Right yer bastards?"

We sort of stared at this odd little man having no idea on Earth what he
was saying. It was clear he was from Australia and was, presumably,
speaking English, but it wasn't any form of the language we had ever
heard. Behind him, what must have been his crew was setting up cameras,
and a bed right out in the middle of the beach.

"Wait. Wait", Lemur Girl said, as she held up her hand. "Who are
you and why is there a bed in the middle of the beach?

"What is this, Bush Week? We're a movie company - The Aussie Penal
Colony! It's a litle pun y'see 'cause Australia was once a penal colony.
And since we're here and our plane is damaged, we're going to make a movie."

Jimmie looked over him, which wasn't tough. "Ooooookay. So where are
your actors?"

"Well, that's the thing, right? We don't 'ave any actors, but we do 'ave
you. And since you damaged our plane, I thought it'd be too right if you
starred in our newest movie, 'Gilligan's Orgy'. So let's get those
clothes off so I can 'ave a Cap'n Cook at yers."

We were thunderstruck. Well, two of us were. Lemur Girl started shucking
off her homemade top and skirt like she was covered in ants. Soon she
was naked as the day she was born and turning a slow pirouette in front
of the director. Lynn and Jimmie looked at each other behind her back.
This surely wasn't in the Survivor contract.

Mr. Director wasn't much for patience. He clapped his hands at us. "Come
on! Drop you clobber and let me see what I'm working with!"

They shrugged and done as Lemur Girl had done, except by that time she
had run down the beach and was sprawled out on the king-sized bed. "Hey
guys!", she called out. "This is great! It's so soft and comfy!"

Now normally this would have been one of Jimmie's Number One Fantasies -
a porno movie with two beautiful women, but he was not very happy. He
was not, as you might have guessed, the most handsome guy on the planet
and he wasn't veyr thrilled with the idea of being buck naked around
them. That and he wasn't what you might call "Porno Star Equipped", if
you get my drift. He was okay as that goes, but, hey. He was now walking
in the footsteps of Ron Jeremy and John Holmes and he found himself, in
the cool island evening air, a slight bit minor-league. The Director
noticed this and chuckled. "'Sallright, mate. You'll be right in no
time. You'll get inspiration and rise to the occasion!" Jimmie was not
mollified.

Lynn was not much happier. This was definitely not something she had
signed on for, and even though Jimmie was cute enough and Lemur Girl was
a classic hottie, she was not quite sure that being in this movie would
the Great Canadian Artistic Tradition. But it looked like the other two
were going to go through with it, and she would be damned if she would
back out of it. If she was going to do this, she would give it her
Academy Award-winning best.

"Now, here's yer scene. This bird here", he pointed to Lynn, "is going
to play Ginger. You, little Brit, are going to be Mary Ann. And you,
bloke, will be...well...err..not Gilligan. Yer going to have to be the
Skipper. Sorry, mate. You're his size."

Jimmie scowled. "Right. You didn't have to remind me." Lynn and Lemur
Girl chuckled while casting appreciatve looks over each other.

The Director moved behind the camera. "Okay! Something's missing here.
Right! We need a llama, two bottles of olive oil, a box of feathers, two
leather straps, and a kiwi fruit."

Lynn bolted up off the bed. "Wait! No. No llamas. I draw the limit at
llamas."

"Yeah!," Jimmie said. "Me, too! No llamas."

"What's a llama?", Lemur Girl asked from under a pile of ostrich
feathers. Lynn leaned over and whisperd to her for a minute. Lemur
Girl's eyes got real big. "What if it was a small llama?"

"NO!!", Lynn and Jimmie replied, quickly and with great force. She
pouted and started covering herself with feathers again.

During the conversation, the Director had been watching them and
laughing. Finally, he could hold himself back no longer. "Look!", he
said, pulling on a flap of skin just under his chin. The skin - which
was no skin - pulled back and off his head. It was pylorns! "Hah! I
fooled you, hapless islanders. I knew you would do it! Victor bet that
you wouldn't. He said that Jimmie was so hideous that you two would
never do that, even for a porno movie. Dizzy Girl just pouted and said
she wished it was her instead of you too, but I think she's still in
shock! You're all sick. Sick, sick, sick! Now go back to your shelters!"

Jimmie, Lynn, and an incredibly disappointed but oddly happy Lemur Girl
gathered as much dignity as their naked, scolded forms would allow, and
walked back to their shelters with the mocking laughter of pylorns
behind them.

"Don't worry about it, guys", Lenur Girl said, a note of happiness
creeping ito her voice. "We'll show him! While his back was turned I
stole a camera. We'll make our own movie, just to prove we can do a good
one!"

Jimmie and Lynn chuckled and shook their heads. They were definitely
going to have to have a talk with her. After the movie.

Entry #3:
With the dust still hanging in the air, we cautiously gathered around the plane. It appeared to be intact and no worse for wear, given it's rough landing. As we got closer, we could hear the sound of raised voices coming from the cockpit.

"Are you sure this is the place?"

"I don't know, they all look the same. Do I have to leave? The food there was so much better."

"Stop whining and get off the plane! We're leaving you here whether this is the right island or not! GET OUT!"

The door opened and who should stumble out? Pylorns! He looked absolutely awful, but I guess a weeklong bender will do that to you. We all sat down around the fire, anxiously waiting to find out where he had been.

"When I got to the mainland I did some bar hopping and I guess I blacked out. I'm not sure what happened after that. When I came to, I was in jail with a bunch of guys who aren't nearly as nice as you all are. The inmates took my shoes and called me names! Then they laughed at me when I was in the shower. It was so degrading...Anyways, the guard told me that I had gotten a little too friendly with a local stripper and then I apparently stood on a table and ranted about niceness and verbosity - that's when I got arrested."

"They ended up staying my charges because they said I was too annoying. They couldn't get rid of me fast enough! Now that I'm back, I want you to know how sorry I am for drinking all the beer and yelling at you. I don't know what I was thinking...I must have drank some bad water that made me go crazy for a little bit, or something. Forgive me? Hey, it's not like you can vote me off the island!"

So much for peace and quiet...

And here is your voting booth:

Posted by Pylorns at June 28, 2004 02:14 PM | TrackBack

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